As I mentioned in my first post I am running a half marathon in October in Myrtle Beach. I am beyond nervous about this endeavor as it will be my first. I am not an athletic person. I try hard, but every time I make any progress, there is always a stop sign.
papers to write
There is always an excuse to stop pushing forward. So, Like a good driver, I obey the rules of the road, and I stop. Well this morning we woke early to prepare for a busy day, and I found myself saying to Steve “I just don’t have time to run.” (There is that stop sign again!) I started reading through a magazine he got for me about being healthy, and I oo’d and ah’d over the exercises that looked so simple. I was doing nothing, the work for our afternoon party was complete. I stood up and said, What am I doing? I am sitting here reading a magazine complaining that I don’t have time to run. (stop sign)
I got up, changed into my running clothes, and said “I’ll be back!” I am fortunate to live in a part of my city that is a mile from the ocean. I run towards the water on almost every run because it is freeing. Looking out and seeing open water, remembering how small I am and how big others problems are. Perspective So I ran. It started as a walk. I knew my mileage (4 miles), I knew the time I wanted (56 minutes), I did not know how to get it at that moment. I took the first step (green light) then, my walking wasn’t fast enough, and I started to run. I felt pain (yield sign?) I started walking again. Would I make my four miles? Could I complete it in 56 minutes? I didn’t know. At that moment, I wanted a stop sign, any stop sign. I had told myself deep inside that i couldn’t do it, and my body was being a good driver and obeying the rules of the road. It wanted to stop. I didn’t.
I remembered that I made a promise to be better, to do anything I tried to do. When my students say “I Can’t!” I remind them that means “I Certainly Am Not Trying” and so, they must not be putting in their best effort. Well what was I doing? I certainly was not putting in my best effort, nor was I believing in me. So I pushed. I ran. It hurt. “Just past that tree…just to that corner…” I kept telling myself these things to get through. I hit the 2 mile mark and turned around to head back. I looked at the open road ahead of me, and I went, I ran, 4-6 blocks of straight no stop running! It felt amazing. I ran up hills, down hills, and around corners. I arrived home with a time that was a little more than I wanted, but I finished. I do not know when in my mind exercise was supposed to be easy. It was just supposed to happen. I danced ballet, ran track in field, and marche din a marching band. All of that was easy. Why? because I had people in my corner, coaches, teachers, parents, support. I coach runners, I know it isn’t easy, but yet, my expectations of myself were, “if there is pain you stop.” instead of “no pain no gain”.
Now I know that sometimes pain can be real, and debilitating, I would never run if I were injured for real. these pains I speak of are sores and aches. Things that your muscles do when you push them. The way muscles grow, stretch and become stronger. I had forgotten…
SO I ran. farther than I have (in a single sprint), harder than I have (on any recent run), and hotter than I have (forgot to bring water!) I remembered that If I want to see a change, I have to be a change myself. I need to push, through pain, and through the barriers I have set for myself and just run…I do not have to win, I just have to finish, and today, I feel like I finished!