When home doesn’t feel like home anymore

Home heartWe have been contemplating moving for a long time. Our house must have shrunk. I feel like we are on top of each other, constantly stepping on toes. No one can get up from the table without someone else moving. The children are constantly fighting over space.

Two things are going on here:
1- we have way too much junk
2- we are outgrowing our house

I do love our house. It is very similar to what I grew up with. I am sentimental so I like that. We are having a hard time fitting, and the family who owned it before us had 6 children in it (I do not know how!). We kept (mostly) everything the way it was. Pulled up the carpets, painted the walls, replaced the piping, new stack pipe, renovated the bathroom, but overall, it is original. That is a good thing. It is a beautiful, and I am glad we did not do too much to change the bones of this old house.

We want a house wth more room to do things. A place for homework, a place for reading, a place to sip a cup of coffee in the morning. A place to play, watch a movie, play a video game, build a puzzle, build Legos, and a place to hide the junk of a school project or Christmas shopping when company comes over. A place to entertain where everyone can be in the same room at the same time.

I am ready for a change, and change is not easy, but we are ready for it. I am there. On the brink of change. And you know what? I am petrified!

The questions you have.
“What if we pick the wrong house?”
“What if the kids do not make friends if we change schools?”
“What will my new commute look like?”
“What if our house never sells?”
“What if we never find ‘The House’?”
“What if we are wrong?”

I remember moving as a kid, two miles from our house. A new school, new friends, and I remember not understanding how close we were to everything we already knew.

As scary as it is, we are here:
We have started this process.
We have a realtor who is amazing, honest, funny, and knows her stuff.
She has put us in touch with a financial agent.
She gave us a punch list for our house.
We are so excited to be on this journey.
We are also a bit scared to be on this journey.
I hope you will join us.
I hope you will love the tips and tricks I share as we go.
I hope we land where home is, although, home is right here, we are just bursting at the seams!

Time passes

What is your moving adventure?
When did it start?
How did it start?
Do you love where you landed?

when the bottom seems to drop

stress can create fractures and eventually explode
stress can create fractures and eventually explode

stress

it is the moment when we feel like the walls are caving in

When it feels like the bottom will drop out of our lives.

There is never a real reason to believe that everything is falling apart.

We do that to ourselves

We put that in our own minds.

We create a life where we believe everything needs to be perfect.

we post on social media

we find activities on Pintrest and then wail over them failing.

We work

We stress

we compair

we judge

we meddle

we obsess

We want to do right by all around us.

Stress

Anxiety

Inside

That is where the damage is happening.

The shell we create inside crumbles with every blow. This way our outside appears the same.

Bang

There goes that test

Crash

Your child forgot a homework assignment

Kaplow

Your parents are ill

Zam

your car gets a flat

wowza

you get in a fight with your coworker

phew

your dinner burns

your laundry is piling up

your house needs to be cleaned

The exterior is fine, but check the structure

It is not withholding the blows.

At some point the foundation crumbles
the bottom falls out

and we tailspin

something as “small” as a tag in our shirt or pants can make every edge of our body itch

so how do we handle it?

do we cry

scream

change our outfit 12 times

clean out an entire room

paint

sketch

withdraw from social occasions

forget everything we need to accomplish

or do we find a way to cope

to maneuver our lives to adapt

Whatever we do, we need to recognize that the stress that we create for ourselves can be changed.

we need to learn to pick our schedules carefully

let go of what we don’t need

change what we can

and seek our friends often.

An hour with a friend can change our outlook

not on the phone, or in a text but with a friend.

go to a movie, or a coffee shop, or bring a bottle of wine to a dinner and just enjoy

anchor your hopewhatever we do, we have to remember that even when the walls are caving in, or the bottom is dropping out, we are able to rebuild or restructure by our actions and internal dialog. It is not easy to change those things, but, with time, practice, patience, and even sometimes professional help, we can overcome.

Something Isn’t Right

Anxiety.

It boils over in a moment. It happens when you least expect it. I can count on one hand the number of times I have been to the hospital with an anxiety attack. I manage my anxiety with planning. I probably should manage my anxiety with medication. but I just am not there.

Change.

Change is the catalyst for an attack. A new schedule, a new teacher, a detour on the road. All of these can lead to anxiety. How do you manage? How do you crawl  out of the hole that you dig for yourself when you see the change coming? For me, I meet change with more change. New clothes, shoes, bags. I drive the detour long after the road is repaired. I spend a Sunday cleaning bedrooms and downloading college syllabi because I know I cant avoid the change.

My son, he doesn’t know that the anger that boils out of him during a time of change is anxiety. He doesn’t know that mama prepping him with what is going to happen weeks before is mama’s way of avoiding the boiling over. He doesn’t know that mama understands the boil over  way too well. She feels it every time an outfit doesn’t fit. She feels it every time she cannot find her car keys in her purse. She feels it every time the tag on her dress scratches her neck. She knows the boil over all too well. She wishes he didn’t have to.

He doesn’t know that tonight I told his teacher that change in routine makes him anxious. He doesn’t know that mama spends her days putting out fires before they are set so that he doesn’t get set off. If only he could.

Someday he will know. Someday I will teach him to manage change. How it makes him feel. How it makes his blood boil over. How he needs to control that feeling. but for now, I try to prevent that feeling for him.

Change is scary no matter who you are. anxiety, or not. Change in and of itself is the root of the anxiety and anger I feel on an almost daily basis.

Many around you may be suffering with anxiety. Help them. Be consistent, be considerate, be present. For me, knowing that when I finally work through my boiling over my family is there for me makes the boiling over easier to deal with.